| Ingrid Michaelson Lyrics | Sort Of Lyrics

Growing up is the time to make our most silly unforgettable mistakes, growing older is the time to take responsibility for all of our actions and decisions, becoming a grown up is when we start thinking for our parents and more responsibilities to come - tessa 2009

"with great power, comes great responsibility"

My new sweet baby - baby boy!

What do you think about my little new baby baby boy?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?

a new beginning, always full of hopes and faith and love and plans and you and me and us

a bedtime story part 2
by JBR for TC

... the trader was introduced to the king
as the king oversaw all the town's business
one day the king was showing the trader the town
and the princess was in the center of it
picking up goods from the market
at a bargain price
tessa: lol
she was afterall Chinese
tessa: ahahaha
JBR: thought you'd like that
JBR: anyway

as the king and trader passed by, the princess caught the eye of the trader
and he was absolutely mesmerized
so much so
that he ignored the kings conversation
which the king noticed
and ordered the carriage to halt
which worked perfectly for the trader
the princess too noticed the halted carriage and looked toward it
both their eyes met
the princess and the trader
the king looked at the trader and finally got his attention

"What has you so distracted?" asked the king.
"I'm sorry your highness. I was immediately drawn to that lovely vision over there at the market."
"Oh I see." said the king. "Well she is promised to another and so you cannot have her"
no sooner did the king say those words than the trader lept out of the carriage
and jogged to the market
he approached the princess
and said, "my fair maiden, I could not help but to come over and at least talk to the most beautiful vision I had ever seen"
the princess, being shy of course
blushed and giggled a little
"I am so flattered" she said, "but I am also promised to another."
"I know," said the trader, "I don't care. I will not rest until I find a way to make you promised to me.
the princess swooned at this
as she was very much attracted to confidence
plus he was rather striking too

the princess
she asked coyly "How do you plan on winning me for yourself?"
to which the trader replied
I will meet you here at the same time everyday
if I see you here
I will know I am on my way to winning you
the princess laughed again
and said okay sure

the next day
the princess decided to let her curiosity (and hormones) aroused
the princess headed for the market
sure enough
she met the trader
who had a surprise
somehow he had found the princess's favorite flower
the white casablanca
she was so taken aback
she felt even more feelings for him
she thanked him for the gift by giving him a quick hug
and returned home

to be continued...

a bedtime story
by JBR for TC

once upon a time
not too long ago
in a country that was in the South Pacific
lived a beautiful princess
she had everything
cars
clothes
fine bedding
maids
butlers
everything she could ever wish

One day
an unfortunate event occurred
and the princess lost everything
except her mother
whom she loved dearly
they both moved to a smaller city and started over
the princess had to adjust
to a more modest life
but she made do
reluctantly at first
after time she got used to her new life
which meant getting a job
afterall
she was taught by the finest scholars througout the land
and work she did
in a company that sold books
soon
it was time to think about marriage
as tradition dictated
suitors lined up far and wide
as she was very beautiful
on caught her fancy
one
he was strapping
and handsome
and very well in shape
they courted for two months
and
although he never was really romantic
and didn't always treat her well
she loved him just the same
time came for him to propose
which he did
and the princess accepted
and she was soo happy
she told her mother
who arranged the whole thing
one day though
a foreigner had sailed into town
he too was a very strapping lad
but very exotic to the natives
he was well taught and could communicate well with these fine people
as he was a trader....


to be continued...

sense and sensuality

well... not to anyone's surprise, ms. t's apparently beginning to learn and know again how infatuation can get you a little out of this world, with a sense of withdrawal from anything else but... JR, everywhere and every time. will time difference, continents to come across, hormones, moms and as if march being not long enough get in the way of her keep thinking of K1, K1, K1...

Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
Somebody’s heart is broken and it becomes your favorite song

happy birthday to me!

11:16:45 PM thekingonline_king: a happy birthday.
11:16:59 PM tessa_id: thanks
11:17:07 PM thekingonline_king: make a wish
11:17:09 PM thekingonline_king: close ur eyes
11:17:13 PM thekingonline_king: think of god
11:17:18 PM thekingonline_king: he will give u
11:18:31 PM thekingonline_king: :D
11:18:41 PM tessa_id: thanks for the prayers :)
11:18:44 PM tessa_id: appreciate it
11:18:58 PM thekingonline_king: hey do it now
11:19:02 PM thekingonline_king: right now
11:19:11 PM tessa_id: i did
11:19:19 PM thekingonline_king: :)nice
11:19:25 PM thekingonline_king: dont tell anyone
11:19:27 PM thekingonline_king: let it work
11:19:53 PM tessa_id: hope it will
11:20:13 PM thekingonline_king: wanna tell u something
11:20:18 PM tessa_id: yes?
11:20:21 PM thekingonline_king: if i give u chillies
11:20:28 PM thekingonline_king: and i tell u they are hot
11:20:31 PM thekingonline_king: will u say
11:20:35 PM thekingonline_king: hope they are hot
11:20:54 PM tessa_id: hehe
11:21:01 PM tessa_id: of course they are hot
11:21:13 PM thekingonline_king: same with god
11:21:17 PM thekingonline_king: that u cant feel
11:21:20 PM thekingonline_king: this u can
11:21:24 PM thekingonline_king: everything works
11:21:31 PM thekingonline_king: provided u have patience
11:22:21 PM thekingonline_king: keep the faith
11:22:30 PM tessa_id: i am
11:22:42 PM tessa_id: thanks for reminding me
11:27:12 PM thekingonline_king: did u enjoy ur day
11:28:54 PM tessa_id: not really
11:29:05 PM tessa_id: my team mates is ignoring me
11:29:15 PM tessa_id: they dont even wish me happy birthday
11:29:34 PM tessa_id: although the whole office wishes me happy birthday
11:29:36 PM tessa_id: so sad
11:30:41 PM thekingonline_king: you must have learnt something
11:31:16 PM tessa_id: i dunno
11:31:55 PM tessa_id: what to learn from that
11:32:21 PM thekingonline_king: either ur too good or ur no good
11:32:25 PM thekingonline_king: and u know what ur
11:32:26 PM thekingonline_king: right
11:32:32 PM thekingonline_king: ;)so dont worry
11:33:07 PM tessa_id: sigh
11:33:25 PM tessa_id: i cant understand why
11:33:44 PM tessa_id: i dont have problem with the other colleague but my own departement
11:33:49 PM tessa_id: what went wrong....
11:34:46 PM thekingonline_king: thats envy
11:34:48 PM thekingonline_king: dont worry
11:34:55 PM thekingonline_king: its a natural reaction
11:35:10 PM tessa_id: i tried to talk
11:35:16 PM tessa_id: but they kept ignoring me
11:35:20 PM tessa_id: so i stop trying
11:35:23 PM tessa_id: enough already
11:35:27 PM tessa_id: theyre getting rude
11:36:38 PM thekingonline_king: dont worry
11:36:43 PM thekingonline_king: their days or numbered
11:39:39 PM thekingonline_king: ;)
11:40:26 PM tessa_id: well im just worrying that i still need them to work together on marketing program
11:40:33 PM tessa_id: i cant do it all by myself
11:40:43 PM thekingonline_king: you dont have to react
11:40:49 PM thekingonline_king: of what happened
11:40:55 PM thekingonline_king: take it as if its normal
11:42:04 PM tessa_id: okay
11:42:13 PM tessa_id: thats actually what im trying to do
11:42:21 PM tessa_id: feels kinda depressing tho
11:42:24 PM thekingonline_king: now u ignore that this never happened,
11:42:26 PM tessa_id: to be ignored like that
11:42:32 PM thekingonline_king: dont worry,
11:42:39 PM thekingonline_king: they are not ur bf or gf
11:42:40 PM thekingonline_king: ok
11:42:45 PM thekingonline_king: its business work
11:42:47 PM thekingonline_king: and money
11:42:51 PM thekingonline_king: take it professionally
11:42:56 PM thekingonline_king: dont get emotional
11:43:00 PM thekingonline_king: and dont expect
11:43:06 PM thekingonline_king: back to work babessssss
11:44:00 PM tessa_id: okay
11:44:04 PM tessa_id: ill try
11:44:12 PM tessa_id: thanks for the encouragement
11:44:22 PM tessa_id: i was discouraged by them
11:45:13 PM thekingonline_king: all days are not same
11:45:17 PM thekingonline_king: we cant be loved always
11:45:24 PM thekingonline_king: we cant be hated for ever
11:45:30 PM thekingonline_king: you know that too
11:46:51 PM thekingonline_king: bandung had earthquake could anyone prevent it

even the best fall down sometimes

So a friend of mine asked, "how does it feel turning into 29 yo," and I replied, "so-so."

when you're feeling sad does that mean you're really sad, when you think you're in pain does it really mean you're in pain, when you're happy is it how it supposed to be

Gosh, it gets harder everyday, everything's against my personal belief and everything i've ever used to, i'm wailing for help....

When the pain you feel is a different kind of pain

Again, before I begin my next post, I'm gonna have to put this disclaimer that anything written below is purely intended to my personal healing only.

It has been a really, really crazy 8 months so far since I begun everything, from moving to a new job with a new position, moving to a new place, going through the breakup, while trying to fit myself in all of the madness.

Career wise
I could say that things are going great, oh well besides the fact that I need to sleep late almost every night, still continue to work even from home, have to work every other weekend (although I could get a day off replacement but it still feels not normal sometimes to have a different working hours with others, you know, while everybody is having a good weekend I have to work and when I got the day off, everybody else is working), have to put up with a very very fussy Singaporean boss, going home at 1 am in the morning after a meeting, even there were one time worked from 11 pm until 7 am in the morning and only reached home at 10am. Talking about being responsible and committed to your work, I may have done more than I should. I even done things that I wasn't even sure I could do, been pushed and - as my boss would say - stretched further than my own capacity. So after 6 months of contract reviewing, I had been made permanent employee despite the company policy of a one year contract and to hear the boss saying that she is actually happy with my work.

A dear friend has encouraged and told me, how proud of him of me that I'm learning young that it's all work and work hard, it's so worth it and that I'll see, I'll have everything I ever wanted.

Fitting in
On the other hand, I'm still having a lot of trouble fitting in with some colleagues. Now I know, that I have to learn a lot on this part, as as far as I know, I'm generally highly likeable and so it's kinda puzzling to me how some of the colleagues don't really like me, yet the boss is happy with my work. Upon the contract review I received a poor score in socializing and was reviewed and had actually been scolded to work on my teamwork ability.

Of course that has led me to frustration, I know I have some issues of dealing with people that I foresee as not being genuine, annoying and would only caused me trouble. However, a caring friend told me that if I continue working by myself and not involving or even connecting with my colleagues that in the end would kill my own career. Thus, it leads me to learn to smile a lot, trying to have some small conversations with everyone in the office, compliments here and there, trying to connect with the colleagues that don't really like me even if they are ignoring me, to keep reminding myself that as busy as I may be, I need to connect with people, to ignore my selfish and self absorb self accepting that I still need to be friendly with people despite of my personal judgement.
Can you believe, I would always be the last person in the office to know the gossips around, if I'm really focus, I don't even notice that everyone around is laughing at something really funny, yeah... like that...

Distractions
Besides spending my time working all the time, that would be having a lot of online friends, playing with facebook, watching 24, the apprentice, the amazing race, heroes in between free time but could never really finish them, spending a lot time with my bestfriend I. Sometimes I could have time to meet with Princess Lisia, Cicek, H Girl, and Mum.

Upon being independent
I have been also having a really hard 8 months where I needed to face my own demons - by myself - of not being able to socialize well with the people I don't really like and of course to be more independent as in not being spoiled and childish enough - being clingy, and to not be able to take decisions, yes, my indecisiveness!
As to resolve, I'm learning now that I shouldn't just keep asking questions but to actually say my ideas first before the questions. Still finds it funny but seems like that's the right thing to do.

I'm very thankful and feel blessed with everyone who have been there for me and pray that God will keep them safe and happy all the time. Everyone who have listened and put up with me.
I'm thankful of the dad to be AJ, you have been really patient with me and very helpful. Thanks Rainbow, for always asking how I'm doing while I sometimes don't really have the time to talk much and ask how you're doing. Thanks Ms. Disney who keeps me of working all time with yogurt and movies after work. Thanks RK for taking my late late nite call regarding my virus and love and life problems. I'm missing a dear gossiping and shopping friend who's now in Melbourne. Thank you Nikhu, Johnny, Robby, Ben, Jake and Quintin.
Guys, you are always dear in my heart and note how I feel really bad sometimes for not been able to reply to your messages.

Peterlogy
Pete oh Pete, is still in my heart dearly just like my other ex. Despite the fact that he never answered to my calls and that I'm beginning to accept that he has no feelings left for me, I also learned that I'd be fooling myself if I didn't say that I still adore him and missing our friendship badly.
It's so funny the way it is, how I also never picked up and rarely replied to my other ex's calls or texts, I guess that's pretty much how Pete feels.
A friend told me that there's actually nothing left to be talked about with your exes and how awkward it would be to still be friends with them. It's been 8 months and I'm still learning. Going pretty slow huh but as AJ would say, do whatever I need to do to survive. I'm glad that I have the freedom not to feel ashamed and fooling myself that I don't want Pete anymore.
RK told me that I should reconsider if I'm really sure that I want Pete, that should it ever happen it will only be hurting me more, that I will remember how he's hurt me more and more. Maybe... although it could also be a choice that I made, to accept things the way they are.

I know the Lord is good :)

who would've thought exchanging emails can be so breath takingly exciting, honest and soooo romantic!

be careful T, you might get burned by your own game :P

still a bit lightheaded from bandung 2 stores grand opening, in which both Lia and I were provided with speakers and an in store shop for free promotion to do all day, at least now we know how tiring becoming operational staffs to stand, be nice, smiling, selling the whole day, yikes!

i woke up to my first thunder storm ever in Karawaci, pretty scary one, glad Ben was there to accompany me online, thankful for that. Went to the kids activity this week and had fun with Mr. M, our new-apparently adored by children-definitely going to invite him again-drawing teacher.
















A full house, thus tess is a happy event manager :P

















meet Chloe and Prestine - korean borned in the U.S. - he's just so cute and chatty, love him
















and this is from last week's writing competition winner, can you believe, am standing and my height is about the same while Ndrew (yes, his name to be pronounced nendrew) was sitting, crazy!

The things that...

can make me smile ears to ears and spreads warmth into my heart would definitely be the things like having a super cute Japanese cartoon like toddler so cutely following me around after I just finished having two consecutive in store events last Saturday. I didn't even notice him before until Agus had told me that the kid liked me so much he'd been following me around, oh when I turned around he was major cuteness oohh... and he's name is Ryan, I know I'm thankful now for he's given me warmth by being who he is and just... there. To touch his chubby cheek was heaven! He's reminded me of how falling in love is so spontaneous and that I still have a lot of love to be shared, those funny overwhelming feelings that I'm still the old Tessa that I know :)

can make me laugh my self out till hurts would be my teammates, somehow when too much Marketing programs and stuff are driving us almost crazy until it feels like vomiting, creativity sometimes leads us just making jokes to laugh ourselves out, like printing this silly card and put it on the Marketing filing cabinet just in case -as if- everyone -doesn't- know it's ours lol. Check this out, we thought for the card we should change our names from lia, tessa, vincent to a more village people names since this picture was taken when we attended the book seminar for world maid association conference, people, I introduce you : iyah, a'ah and incen hohohoho

another would be waking up in the morning knowing maybe... that someone, just may be... at the other end of the world's thinking about you and waiting for you to wake up to have a little talk before bedtime :)

hearing nice cheery poppy songs like this would be nice too!

Smiles

This is where I'm 2 months after.
Not a minute in my life would I wish that what'd happened didn't actually happen.
Looking back to it now, like what I would every other time that my mind isn't occupied with work or too tired to drown myself at office work, I always knew that it was coming.

What has changed actually the way I see things.
I said once to AJ that if it doesn't work, I would just go join a convent hohohoho for having such investments in P, trying to keep up and somehow managed to believe that it was good for him to have a lot of girl friends - which, predictably, ended up to be his girlfriend, lol - how that's totally make sense and normal. I put aside my standard that a guy should know how to take good care of himself to take care of others - well perhaps actually hanging out in your room everyday with no steady pay - trying to save the world with your so called idealism could be a cool thing to do - and when I called he would say he's busy *saving the world and his friends - sure*.
I actually believed that accepting people the way they are was enough, well I was wrong. There are so much more I need to give and yet people would still take from me. We are all simple yet egoistic beings.
I've always known that he was never sure of his feelings for me and I'm totally cool with that as I couldn't agree more.

Now I totally get how funny that was. I hope I didn't make AJ pissed his pants off for that :P

Should I leave it there?

Sometimes, we need to learn to keep our mouth shut, our ears and eyes closed, and mebbe close our nose too if we have more hands.

Strange indeed the way we are screaming for help or just a touch of love and compassion from others. I can feel that you are reaching out for me, K. But sorry, I cannot help you just yet, I'm still struggling with my own egos and emotions. Thanks for sharing though, as all my bestfriends do, we all feel the pain. Understand that I choose to be sad and disappointed for someone who once gave me ideas that we could actually make it.

I am well aware that this might happen when I started to open up again and sure as hell happy my good old blog now have more visitors, thanks to you :)

You see K, I'm now releasing you from any obligations you might feel to help me by explaining the things that no longer relevant to me.
Thanks to open up my eyes once more to let by gones be by gones.

Hi girl,

Thanks for the information, but rest assured that this isn't a gossip blog. It's purely intended for my healing only, so with all my might I don't feel anything's wrong if I wanna say Pete has cheated on me or not. Just as his decision to move on, as every person has his or her own way of coping with the reality, this is my way of moving on.

And to compare people wouldn't be fair, you should keep that in mind.

Of all people knowing Pete, I'm sure that he's very happy now, I too deserve the right to spend my time letting go and be happy for having this precious experience, you should for me too :)

I'm sure you're sucha good friend and you care for others but really, this is none of your business.

Butterflies and Flowers

Okay, so am currently in love with Adele's songs, this is my favorite, but it's honestly hard watching this video deciding which i like best. The guitarist, not much to say, I know am not the only gurl who can't keep my eyes of off him hehehe... super cute cute cute



but the real heart breaking song is surely this...
beautifully composed!



Couldn't help to feel a bit reluctant to go back to Karawaci after spending few days with mom back home in Jakarta. How I miss her. It was so strangely comfortable to spend time in her cramped bed room yet I slept like a baby, had to drag myself out of bed. I haven't felt as safe and comfortable these past months. I know, sucha lammer, how could a grown up depends so much on others, but I guess it should be alright to be that way once in awhile, especially with your mom...

Went all quiet on the taxi and was totally getting emotional saying gudbyes to her hehe, partly mebbe because I'd like to take some more time off but mostly because we had a good time talking, shopping and eating and watching some sinetrons she liked. And most of all, I was all relieved after telling her that we'd broken up sometime ago. Of course I haven't got the guts to tell what's actually happened, wonder would she react differently if I told her that Pete broken up with me instead the other way around.

Should you wonder how she reacted, she was surprisingly very calm when I told her that Pete wasn't ready to get married in the next few years while am getting into my thirties soon, and that he's found it hard to find a steady job how will we survive, so I saw no reasons why we should continue a relationship that's going no where. Actually those are kinda weak reasoning but I suppose for parents, they are the essentials, who knows, who cares, ladida.

People changed AJ said, I guess it isn't something new. Perhaps mom has changed. I changed. Pete changed. The world's keep changing. Pete cheated on me. I loose some weight. And so it goes...

Don't feel like sleeping tonite...

Listening to Maroon 5



I guess I have been too quiet for awhile, have so many things on my mind that I'm affraid I don't even know where or how to begin. Well, first of am beginning to find that being alone isn't always that bad, that it is all in our mind. We can choose to be alone but not so lonely by trying to enjoy and make this new realm inside of our head. Who said that what you are experiencing now is the real reality of being alone? It's all just a reflection of people's perspective which isn't always true until we can proof that the so called loneliness as a valid entity that can be measured.

Am worried about today, you know, how sometimes you can be unsure about the things that you've planned before at work; about finally coming home to see Mom :) how I miss her, how I wish that life sometimes could just stop for awhile for me to breath, to have a little more time to cry - as if I haven't spent enough pouring my heart out the last two months - accepting the value changes that may be happening around me, finally realizing there are things that just bound to happen, learning to let go of course is the hardest part in the process, including learning to let go that sometimes even at one of the most perfect days - shit happens, struggling with the thoughts of this:














If I ever made you feel trapped, I'm sorry.
Also with the thought how one day, I might find these all are just so silly and good things come to those who wait.

stop this train, i wanna get off and go home again ...

I love what Rick Davidson's wrote on his note at FB, without further ado, Rick, he speaks my hear out:


a process of slow detachment

desiring the comforting embrace
of simplification
in this room of many shapes and sizes
(albeit a bit monochromatic).
the framed representation
of two happy people mocks
this present situation,
gazing glinting glass at an inverted
expression
of two expressions.
expressing desire seems a tedious thing:
an unaccustomed custom
that begins just below the throat
and often too slowly
rises to the mouth-thing.
belated and misinterpreted utterances
stumblestutter over the tongue:
syllabic swervings of a simpleton
simply too tired to engage
in the delightful twirlings of dancing lovers