still a bit lightheaded from bandung 2 stores grand opening, in which both Lia and I were provided with speakers and an in store shop for free promotion to do all day, at least now we know how tiring becoming operational staffs to stand, be nice, smiling, selling the whole day, yikes!

i woke up to my first thunder storm ever in Karawaci, pretty scary one, glad Ben was there to accompany me online, thankful for that. Went to the kids activity this week and had fun with Mr. M, our new-apparently adored by children-definitely going to invite him again-drawing teacher.
















A full house, thus tess is a happy event manager :P

















meet Chloe and Prestine - korean borned in the U.S. - he's just so cute and chatty, love him
















and this is from last week's writing competition winner, can you believe, am standing and my height is about the same while Ndrew (yes, his name to be pronounced nendrew) was sitting, crazy!

The things that...

can make me smile ears to ears and spreads warmth into my heart would definitely be the things like having a super cute Japanese cartoon like toddler so cutely following me around after I just finished having two consecutive in store events last Saturday. I didn't even notice him before until Agus had told me that the kid liked me so much he'd been following me around, oh when I turned around he was major cuteness oohh... and he's name is Ryan, I know I'm thankful now for he's given me warmth by being who he is and just... there. To touch his chubby cheek was heaven! He's reminded me of how falling in love is so spontaneous and that I still have a lot of love to be shared, those funny overwhelming feelings that I'm still the old Tessa that I know :)

can make me laugh my self out till hurts would be my teammates, somehow when too much Marketing programs and stuff are driving us almost crazy until it feels like vomiting, creativity sometimes leads us just making jokes to laugh ourselves out, like printing this silly card and put it on the Marketing filing cabinet just in case -as if- everyone -doesn't- know it's ours lol. Check this out, we thought for the card we should change our names from lia, tessa, vincent to a more village people names since this picture was taken when we attended the book seminar for world maid association conference, people, I introduce you : iyah, a'ah and incen hohohoho

another would be waking up in the morning knowing maybe... that someone, just may be... at the other end of the world's thinking about you and waiting for you to wake up to have a little talk before bedtime :)

hearing nice cheery poppy songs like this would be nice too!

Smiles

This is where I'm 2 months after.
Not a minute in my life would I wish that what'd happened didn't actually happen.
Looking back to it now, like what I would every other time that my mind isn't occupied with work or too tired to drown myself at office work, I always knew that it was coming.

What has changed actually the way I see things.
I said once to AJ that if it doesn't work, I would just go join a convent hohohoho for having such investments in P, trying to keep up and somehow managed to believe that it was good for him to have a lot of girl friends - which, predictably, ended up to be his girlfriend, lol - how that's totally make sense and normal. I put aside my standard that a guy should know how to take good care of himself to take care of others - well perhaps actually hanging out in your room everyday with no steady pay - trying to save the world with your so called idealism could be a cool thing to do - and when I called he would say he's busy *saving the world and his friends - sure*.
I actually believed that accepting people the way they are was enough, well I was wrong. There are so much more I need to give and yet people would still take from me. We are all simple yet egoistic beings.
I've always known that he was never sure of his feelings for me and I'm totally cool with that as I couldn't agree more.

Now I totally get how funny that was. I hope I didn't make AJ pissed his pants off for that :P

Should I leave it there?

Sometimes, we need to learn to keep our mouth shut, our ears and eyes closed, and mebbe close our nose too if we have more hands.

Strange indeed the way we are screaming for help or just a touch of love and compassion from others. I can feel that you are reaching out for me, K. But sorry, I cannot help you just yet, I'm still struggling with my own egos and emotions. Thanks for sharing though, as all my bestfriends do, we all feel the pain. Understand that I choose to be sad and disappointed for someone who once gave me ideas that we could actually make it.

I am well aware that this might happen when I started to open up again and sure as hell happy my good old blog now have more visitors, thanks to you :)

You see K, I'm now releasing you from any obligations you might feel to help me by explaining the things that no longer relevant to me.
Thanks to open up my eyes once more to let by gones be by gones.

Hi girl,

Thanks for the information, but rest assured that this isn't a gossip blog. It's purely intended for my healing only, so with all my might I don't feel anything's wrong if I wanna say Pete has cheated on me or not. Just as his decision to move on, as every person has his or her own way of coping with the reality, this is my way of moving on.

And to compare people wouldn't be fair, you should keep that in mind.

Of all people knowing Pete, I'm sure that he's very happy now, I too deserve the right to spend my time letting go and be happy for having this precious experience, you should for me too :)

I'm sure you're sucha good friend and you care for others but really, this is none of your business.

Butterflies and Flowers

Okay, so am currently in love with Adele's songs, this is my favorite, but it's honestly hard watching this video deciding which i like best. The guitarist, not much to say, I know am not the only gurl who can't keep my eyes of off him hehehe... super cute cute cute



but the real heart breaking song is surely this...
beautifully composed!



Couldn't help to feel a bit reluctant to go back to Karawaci after spending few days with mom back home in Jakarta. How I miss her. It was so strangely comfortable to spend time in her cramped bed room yet I slept like a baby, had to drag myself out of bed. I haven't felt as safe and comfortable these past months. I know, sucha lammer, how could a grown up depends so much on others, but I guess it should be alright to be that way once in awhile, especially with your mom...

Went all quiet on the taxi and was totally getting emotional saying gudbyes to her hehe, partly mebbe because I'd like to take some more time off but mostly because we had a good time talking, shopping and eating and watching some sinetrons she liked. And most of all, I was all relieved after telling her that we'd broken up sometime ago. Of course I haven't got the guts to tell what's actually happened, wonder would she react differently if I told her that Pete broken up with me instead the other way around.

Should you wonder how she reacted, she was surprisingly very calm when I told her that Pete wasn't ready to get married in the next few years while am getting into my thirties soon, and that he's found it hard to find a steady job how will we survive, so I saw no reasons why we should continue a relationship that's going no where. Actually those are kinda weak reasoning but I suppose for parents, they are the essentials, who knows, who cares, ladida.

People changed AJ said, I guess it isn't something new. Perhaps mom has changed. I changed. Pete changed. The world's keep changing. Pete cheated on me. I loose some weight. And so it goes...

Don't feel like sleeping tonite...

Listening to Maroon 5



I guess I have been too quiet for awhile, have so many things on my mind that I'm affraid I don't even know where or how to begin. Well, first of am beginning to find that being alone isn't always that bad, that it is all in our mind. We can choose to be alone but not so lonely by trying to enjoy and make this new realm inside of our head. Who said that what you are experiencing now is the real reality of being alone? It's all just a reflection of people's perspective which isn't always true until we can proof that the so called loneliness as a valid entity that can be measured.

Am worried about today, you know, how sometimes you can be unsure about the things that you've planned before at work; about finally coming home to see Mom :) how I miss her, how I wish that life sometimes could just stop for awhile for me to breath, to have a little more time to cry - as if I haven't spent enough pouring my heart out the last two months - accepting the value changes that may be happening around me, finally realizing there are things that just bound to happen, learning to let go of course is the hardest part in the process, including learning to let go that sometimes even at one of the most perfect days - shit happens, struggling with the thoughts of this:














If I ever made you feel trapped, I'm sorry.
Also with the thought how one day, I might find these all are just so silly and good things come to those who wait.

stop this train, i wanna get off and go home again ...