my life is like a circus

often wonder if i ever get all my dreams come true, how would i be feeling right there and then - will it be good enough? will i be extremely happy? will i be satisfied? will i feel content? will i want more? will i feel whole?

i was just catching up with Nikhu, one of my best online friends on how life is nowadays.
and somehow my stories always beat his.

after 4-year of a friendship (i btw found out from him, didn't even count how long we knew each other already) and exchanging stories of being young and driven with work; hardly get the chance to meet new people (read: the kind that 'suit' our taste and demand of a good partner) - Nik finally came up with this comment bout me: he said, "man your life is like a circus isn't it? if its not the animal doing the tricks, its the clown"

that my friend, would in short mean: well either something or other interesting thing keeps happening with me - despite my attempt to always try my best to be nice to everybody.

you know, according to one of hitmansystem's general rules is that a guy supposed to come up with at least one interesting story bout his life. well, apparently too many things, or should i say drama, have come to my life without my consent. i'm genuinely not complaining nor am i boasting, but they have.

i suppose, poor guys who are friends with me having to hear all the craziness going on even within minutes in one day of my life. telling the stories of my life for me is like a therapy, that i would feel at least half of the whatever responsibility i must take upon the events is released.

i do find it hard though, to explain my busy day or how critical the deadlines i were facing daily - especially to the people closest to me - the boyfriend or parents - whilst i know is also busy and have matters that they need to take care of. hope i wasn't being too selfish all the time, but hey, you can't keep everybody happy, yes?

one thing i know for sure, of all the maddening shroud i'm so grateful to have friends and family who always stand by me. they're the one who keeps me sane up until today. and of course, thanks to all the so-called 'circus' i can say that i'm quite 'drama proof' now (you know, like water proof -hehe.)

crazy ex-girlfriend, naggy boyfriend - bring them on! meanwhile, i also need to struggle with more issues that i have to settle on my own.

my life, is a circus, indeed!