So a friend of mine asked, "how does it feel turning into 29 yo," and I replied, "so-so."
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
When the pain you feel is a different kind of pain
Again, before I begin my next post, I'm gonna have to put this disclaimer that anything written below is purely intended to my personal healing only.
It has been a really, really crazy 8 months so far since I begun everything, from moving to a new job with a new position, moving to a new place, going through the breakup, while trying to fit myself in all of the madness.
Career wise
I could say that things are going great, oh well besides the fact that I need to sleep late almost every night, still continue to work even from home, have to work every other weekend (although I could get a day off replacement but it still feels not normal sometimes to have a different working hours with others, you know, while everybody is having a good weekend I have to work and when I got the day off, everybody else is working), have to put up with a very very fussy Singaporean boss, going home at 1 am in the morning after a meeting, even there were one time worked from 11 pm until 7 am in the morning and only reached home at 10am. Talking about being responsible and committed to your work, I may have done more than I should. I even done things that I wasn't even sure I could do, been pushed and - as my boss would say - stretched further than my own capacity. So after 6 months of contract reviewing, I had been made permanent employee despite the company policy of a one year contract and to hear the boss saying that she is actually happy with my work.
A dear friend has encouraged and told me, how proud of him of me that I'm learning young that it's all work and work hard, it's so worth it and that I'll see, I'll have everything I ever wanted.
Fitting in
On the other hand, I'm still having a lot of trouble fitting in with some colleagues. Now I know, that I have to learn a lot on this part, as as far as I know, I'm generally highly likeable and so it's kinda puzzling to me how some of the colleagues don't really like me, yet the boss is happy with my work. Upon the contract review I received a poor score in socializing and was reviewed and had actually been scolded to work on my teamwork ability.
Of course that has led me to frustration, I know I have some issues of dealing with people that I foresee as not being genuine, annoying and would only caused me trouble. However, a caring friend told me that if I continue working by myself and not involving or even connecting with my colleagues that in the end would kill my own career. Thus, it leads me to learn to smile a lot, trying to have some small conversations with everyone in the office, compliments here and there, trying to connect with the colleagues that don't really like me even if they are ignoring me, to keep reminding myself that as busy as I may be, I need to connect with people, to ignore my selfish and self absorb self accepting that I still need to be friendly with people despite of my personal judgement.
Can you believe, I would always be the last person in the office to know the gossips around, if I'm really focus, I don't even notice that everyone around is laughing at something really funny, yeah... like that...
Distractions
Besides spending my time working all the time, that would be having a lot of online friends, playing with facebook, watching 24, the apprentice, the amazing race, heroes in between free time but could never really finish them, spending a lot time with my bestfriend I. Sometimes I could have time to meet with Princess Lisia, Cicek, H Girl, and Mum.
Upon being independent
I have been also having a really hard 8 months where I needed to face my own demons - by myself - of not being able to socialize well with the people I don't really like and of course to be more independent as in not being spoiled and childish enough - being clingy, and to not be able to take decisions, yes, my indecisiveness!
As to resolve, I'm learning now that I shouldn't just keep asking questions but to actually say my ideas first before the questions. Still finds it funny but seems like that's the right thing to do.
I'm very thankful and feel blessed with everyone who have been there for me and pray that God will keep them safe and happy all the time. Everyone who have listened and put up with me.
I'm thankful of the dad to be AJ, you have been really patient with me and very helpful. Thanks Rainbow, for always asking how I'm doing while I sometimes don't really have the time to talk much and ask how you're doing. Thanks Ms. Disney who keeps me of working all time with yogurt and movies after work. Thanks RK for taking my late late nite call regarding my virus and love and life problems. I'm missing a dear gossiping and shopping friend who's now in Melbourne. Thank you Nikhu, Johnny, Robby, Ben, Jake and Quintin.
Guys, you are always dear in my heart and note how I feel really bad sometimes for not been able to reply to your messages.
Peterlogy
Pete oh Pete, is still in my heart dearly just like my other ex. Despite the fact that he never answered to my calls and that I'm beginning to accept that he has no feelings left for me, I also learned that I'd be fooling myself if I didn't say that I still adore him and missing our friendship badly.
It's so funny the way it is, how I also never picked up and rarely replied to my other ex's calls or texts, I guess that's pretty much how Pete feels.
A friend told me that there's actually nothing left to be talked about with your exes and how awkward it would be to still be friends with them. It's been 8 months and I'm still learning. Going pretty slow huh but as AJ would say, do whatever I need to do to survive. I'm glad that I have the freedom not to feel ashamed and fooling myself that I don't want Pete anymore.
RK told me that I should reconsider if I'm really sure that I want Pete, that should it ever happen it will only be hurting me more, that I will remember how he's hurt me more and more. Maybe... although it could also be a choice that I made, to accept things the way they are.
I know the Lord is good :)
Again, before I begin my next post, I'm gonna have to put this disclaimer that anything written below is purely intended to my personal healing only.
It has been a really, really crazy 8 months so far since I begun everything, from moving to a new job with a new position, moving to a new place, going through the breakup, while trying to fit myself in all of the madness.
Career wise
I could say that things are going great, oh well besides the fact that I need to sleep late almost every night, still continue to work even from home, have to work every other weekend (although I could get a day off replacement but it still feels not normal sometimes to have a different working hours with others, you know, while everybody is having a good weekend I have to work and when I got the day off, everybody else is working), have to put up with a very very fussy Singaporean boss, going home at 1 am in the morning after a meeting, even there were one time worked from 11 pm until 7 am in the morning and only reached home at 10am. Talking about being responsible and committed to your work, I may have done more than I should. I even done things that I wasn't even sure I could do, been pushed and - as my boss would say - stretched further than my own capacity. So after 6 months of contract reviewing, I had been made permanent employee despite the company policy of a one year contract and to hear the boss saying that she is actually happy with my work.
A dear friend has encouraged and told me, how proud of him of me that I'm learning young that it's all work and work hard, it's so worth it and that I'll see, I'll have everything I ever wanted.
Fitting in
On the other hand, I'm still having a lot of trouble fitting in with some colleagues. Now I know, that I have to learn a lot on this part, as as far as I know, I'm generally highly likeable and so it's kinda puzzling to me how some of the colleagues don't really like me, yet the boss is happy with my work. Upon the contract review I received a poor score in socializing and was reviewed and had actually been scolded to work on my teamwork ability.
Of course that has led me to frustration, I know I have some issues of dealing with people that I foresee as not being genuine, annoying and would only caused me trouble. However, a caring friend told me that if I continue working by myself and not involving or even connecting with my colleagues that in the end would kill my own career. Thus, it leads me to learn to smile a lot, trying to have some small conversations with everyone in the office, compliments here and there, trying to connect with the colleagues that don't really like me even if they are ignoring me, to keep reminding myself that as busy as I may be, I need to connect with people, to ignore my selfish and self absorb self accepting that I still need to be friendly with people despite of my personal judgement.
Can you believe, I would always be the last person in the office to know the gossips around, if I'm really focus, I don't even notice that everyone around is laughing at something really funny, yeah... like that...
Distractions
Besides spending my time working all the time, that would be having a lot of online friends, playing with facebook, watching 24, the apprentice, the amazing race, heroes in between free time but could never really finish them, spending a lot time with my bestfriend I. Sometimes I could have time to meet with Princess Lisia, Cicek, H Girl, and Mum.
Upon being independent
I have been also having a really hard 8 months where I needed to face my own demons - by myself - of not being able to socialize well with the people I don't really like and of course to be more independent as in not being spoiled and childish enough - being clingy, and to not be able to take decisions, yes, my indecisiveness!
As to resolve, I'm learning now that I shouldn't just keep asking questions but to actually say my ideas first before the questions. Still finds it funny but seems like that's the right thing to do.
I'm very thankful and feel blessed with everyone who have been there for me and pray that God will keep them safe and happy all the time. Everyone who have listened and put up with me.
I'm thankful of the dad to be AJ, you have been really patient with me and very helpful. Thanks Rainbow, for always asking how I'm doing while I sometimes don't really have the time to talk much and ask how you're doing. Thanks Ms. Disney who keeps me of working all time with yogurt and movies after work. Thanks RK for taking my late late nite call regarding my virus and love and life problems. I'm missing a dear gossiping and shopping friend who's now in Melbourne. Thank you Nikhu, Johnny, Robby, Ben, Jake and Quintin.
Guys, you are always dear in my heart and note how I feel really bad sometimes for not been able to reply to your messages.
Peterlogy
Pete oh Pete, is still in my heart dearly just like my other ex. Despite the fact that he never answered to my calls and that I'm beginning to accept that he has no feelings left for me, I also learned that I'd be fooling myself if I didn't say that I still adore him and missing our friendship badly.
It's so funny the way it is, how I also never picked up and rarely replied to my other ex's calls or texts, I guess that's pretty much how Pete feels.
A friend told me that there's actually nothing left to be talked about with your exes and how awkward it would be to still be friends with them. It's been 8 months and I'm still learning. Going pretty slow huh but as AJ would say, do whatever I need to do to survive. I'm glad that I have the freedom not to feel ashamed and fooling myself that I don't want Pete anymore.
RK told me that I should reconsider if I'm really sure that I want Pete, that should it ever happen it will only be hurting me more, that I will remember how he's hurt me more and more. Maybe... although it could also be a choice that I made, to accept things the way they are.
I know the Lord is good :)
Monday, April 20, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
still a bit lightheaded from bandung 2 stores grand opening, in which both Lia and I were provided with speakers and an in store shop for free promotion to do all day, at least now we know how tiring becoming operational staffs to stand, be nice, smiling, selling the whole day, yikes!
i woke up to my first thunder storm ever in Karawaci, pretty scary one, glad Ben was there to accompany me online, thankful for that. Went to the kids activity this week and had fun with Mr. M, our new-apparently adored by children-definitely going to invite him again-drawing teacher.
A full house, thus tess is a happy event manager :P
meet Chloe and Prestine - korean borned in the U.S. - he's just so cute and chatty, love him
and this is from last week's writing competition winner, can you believe, am standing and my height is about the same while Ndrew (yes, his name to be pronounced nendrew) was sitting, crazy!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The things that...
can make me smile ears to ears and spreads warmth into my heart would definitely be the things like having a super cute Japanese cartoon like toddler so cutely following me around after I just finished having two consecutive in store events last Saturday. I didn't even notice him before until Agus had told me that the kid liked me so much he'd been following me around, oh when I turned around he was major cuteness oohh... and he's name is Ryan, I know I'm thankful now for he's given me warmth by being who he is and just... there. To touch his chubby cheek was heaven! He's reminded me of how falling in love is so spontaneous and that I still have a lot of love to be shared, those funny overwhelming feelings that I'm still the old Tessa that I know :)
another would be waking up in the morning knowing maybe... that someone, just may be... at the other end of the world's thinking about you and waiting for you to wake up to have a little talk before bedtime :)
can make me laugh my self out till hurts would be my teammates, somehow when too much Marketing programs and stuff are driving us almost crazy until it feels like vomiting, creativity sometimes leads us just making jokes to laugh ourselves out, like printing this silly card and put it on the Marketing filing cabinet just in case -as if- everyone -doesn't- know it's ours lol. Check this out, we thought for the card we should change our names from lia, tessa, vincent to a more village people names since this picture was taken when we attended the book seminar for world maid association conference, people, I introduce you : iyah, a'ah and incen hohohoho
another would be waking up in the morning knowing maybe... that someone, just may be... at the other end of the world's thinking about you and waiting for you to wake up to have a little talk before bedtime :)
hearing nice cheery poppy songs like this would be nice too!
Friday, March 13, 2009
This is where I'm 2 months after.
Not a minute in my life would I wish that what'd happened didn't actually happen.
Looking back to it now, like what I would every other time that my mind isn't occupied with work or too tired to drown myself at office work, I always knew that it was coming.
What has changed actually the way I see things.
I said once to AJ that if it doesn't work, I would just go join a convent hohohoho for having such investments in P, trying to keep up and somehow managed to believe that it was good for him to have a lot of girl friends - which, predictably, ended up to be his girlfriend, lol - how that's totally make sense and normal. I put aside my standard that a guy should know how to take good care of himself to take care of others - well perhaps actually hanging out in your room everyday with no steady pay - trying to save the world with your so called idealism could be a cool thing to do - and when I called he would say he's busy *saving the world and his friends - sure*.
I actually believed that accepting people the way they are was enough, well I was wrong. There are so much more I need to give and yet people would still take from me. We are all simple yet egoistic beings.
I've always known that he was never sure of his feelings for me and I'm totally cool with that as I couldn't agree more.
Now I totally get how funny that was. I hope I didn't make AJ pissed his pants off for that :P
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Should I leave it there?
Sometimes, we need to learn to keep our mouth shut, our ears and eyes closed, and mebbe close our nose too if we have more hands.
Strange indeed the way we are screaming for help or just a touch of love and compassion from others. I can feel that you are reaching out for me, K. But sorry, I cannot help you just yet, I'm still struggling with my own egos and emotions. Thanks for sharing though, as all my bestfriends do, we all feel the pain. Understand that I choose to be sad and disappointed for someone who once gave me ideas that we could actually make it.
I am well aware that this might happen when I started to open up again and sure as hell happy my good old blog now have more visitors, thanks to you :)
You see K, I'm now releasing you from any obligations you might feel to help me by explaining the things that no longer relevant to me.
Thanks to open up my eyes once more to let by gones be by gones.
Sometimes, we need to learn to keep our mouth shut, our ears and eyes closed, and mebbe close our nose too if we have more hands.
Strange indeed the way we are screaming for help or just a touch of love and compassion from others. I can feel that you are reaching out for me, K. But sorry, I cannot help you just yet, I'm still struggling with my own egos and emotions. Thanks for sharing though, as all my bestfriends do, we all feel the pain. Understand that I choose to be sad and disappointed for someone who once gave me ideas that we could actually make it.
I am well aware that this might happen when I started to open up again and sure as hell happy my good old blog now have more visitors, thanks to you :)
You see K, I'm now releasing you from any obligations you might feel to help me by explaining the things that no longer relevant to me.
Thanks to open up my eyes once more to let by gones be by gones.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Hi girl,
Thanks for the information, but rest assured that this isn't a gossip blog. It's purely intended for my healing only, so with all my might I don't feel anything's wrong if I wanna say Pete has cheated on me or not. Just as his decision to move on, as every person has his or her own way of coping with the reality, this is my way of moving on.
And to compare people wouldn't be fair, you should keep that in mind.
Of all people knowing Pete, I'm sure that he's very happy now, I too deserve the right to spend my time letting go and be happy for having this precious experience, you should for me too :)
I'm sure you're sucha good friend and you care for others but really, this is none of your business.
Butterflies and Flowers
Okay, so am currently in love with Adele's songs, this is my favorite, but it's honestly hard watching this video deciding which i like best. The guitarist, not much to say, I know am not the only gurl who can't keep my eyes of off him hehehe... super cute cute cute
but the real heart breaking song is surely this...
beautifully composed!
Couldn't help to feel a bit reluctant to go back to Karawaci after spending few days with mom back home in Jakarta. How I miss her. It was so strangely comfortable to spend time in her cramped bed room yet I slept like a baby, had to drag myself out of bed. I haven't felt as safe and comfortable these past months. I know, sucha lammer, how could a grown up depends so much on others, but I guess it should be alright to be that way once in awhile, especially with your mom...
Went all quiet on the taxi and was totally getting emotional saying gudbyes to her hehe, partly mebbe because I'd like to take some more time off but mostly because we had a good time talking, shopping and eating and watching some sinetrons she liked. And most of all, I was all relieved after telling her that we'd broken up sometime ago. Of course I haven't got the guts to tell what's actually happened, wonder would she react differently if I told her that Pete broken up with me instead the other way around.
Should you wonder how she reacted, she was surprisingly very calm when I told her that Pete wasn't ready to get married in the next few years while am getting into my thirties soon, and that he's found it hard to find a steady job how will we survive, so I saw no reasons why we should continue a relationship that's going no where. Actually those are kinda weak reasoning but I suppose for parents, they are the essentials, who knows, who cares, ladida.
People changed AJ said, I guess it isn't something new. Perhaps mom has changed. I changed. Pete changed. The world's keep changing. Pete cheated on me. I loose some weight. And so it goes...
Okay, so am currently in love with Adele's songs, this is my favorite, but it's honestly hard watching this video deciding which i like best. The guitarist, not much to say, I know am not the only gurl who can't keep my eyes of off him hehehe... super cute cute cute
but the real heart breaking song is surely this...
beautifully composed!
Couldn't help to feel a bit reluctant to go back to Karawaci after spending few days with mom back home in Jakarta. How I miss her. It was so strangely comfortable to spend time in her cramped bed room yet I slept like a baby, had to drag myself out of bed. I haven't felt as safe and comfortable these past months. I know, sucha lammer, how could a grown up depends so much on others, but I guess it should be alright to be that way once in awhile, especially with your mom...
Went all quiet on the taxi and was totally getting emotional saying gudbyes to her hehe, partly mebbe because I'd like to take some more time off but mostly because we had a good time talking, shopping and eating and watching some sinetrons she liked. And most of all, I was all relieved after telling her that we'd broken up sometime ago. Of course I haven't got the guts to tell what's actually happened, wonder would she react differently if I told her that Pete broken up with me instead the other way around.
Should you wonder how she reacted, she was surprisingly very calm when I told her that Pete wasn't ready to get married in the next few years while am getting into my thirties soon, and that he's found it hard to find a steady job how will we survive, so I saw no reasons why we should continue a relationship that's going no where. Actually those are kinda weak reasoning but I suppose for parents, they are the essentials, who knows, who cares, ladida.
People changed AJ said, I guess it isn't something new. Perhaps mom has changed. I changed. Pete changed. The world's keep changing. Pete cheated on me. I loose some weight. And so it goes...
Friday, March 06, 2009
Don't feel like sleeping tonite...
Listening to Maroon 5
I guess I have been too quiet for awhile, have so many things on my mind that I'm affraid I don't even know where or how to begin. Well, first of am beginning to find that being alone isn't always that bad, that it is all in our mind. We can choose to be alone but not so lonely by trying to enjoy and make this new realm inside of our head. Who said that what you are experiencing now is the real reality of being alone? It's all just a reflection of people's perspective which isn't always true until we can proof that the so called loneliness as a valid entity that can be measured.
Am worried about today, you know, how sometimes you can be unsure about the things that you've planned before at work; about finally coming home to see Mom :) how I miss her, how I wish that life sometimes could just stop for awhile for me to breath, to have a little more time to cry - as if I haven't spent enough pouring my heart out the last two months - accepting the value changes that may be happening around me, finally realizing there are things that just bound to happen, learning to let go of course is the hardest part in the process, including learning to let go that sometimes even at one of the most perfect days - shit happens, struggling with the thoughts of this:
If I ever made you feel trapped, I'm sorry.
Also with the thought how one day, I might find these all are just so silly and good things come to those who wait.
stop this train, i wanna get off and go home again ...
Listening to Maroon 5
I guess I have been too quiet for awhile, have so many things on my mind that I'm affraid I don't even know where or how to begin. Well, first of am beginning to find that being alone isn't always that bad, that it is all in our mind. We can choose to be alone but not so lonely by trying to enjoy and make this new realm inside of our head. Who said that what you are experiencing now is the real reality of being alone? It's all just a reflection of people's perspective which isn't always true until we can proof that the so called loneliness as a valid entity that can be measured.
Am worried about today, you know, how sometimes you can be unsure about the things that you've planned before at work; about finally coming home to see Mom :) how I miss her, how I wish that life sometimes could just stop for awhile for me to breath, to have a little more time to cry - as if I haven't spent enough pouring my heart out the last two months - accepting the value changes that may be happening around me, finally realizing there are things that just bound to happen, learning to let go of course is the hardest part in the process, including learning to let go that sometimes even at one of the most perfect days - shit happens, struggling with the thoughts of this:
If I ever made you feel trapped, I'm sorry.
Also with the thought how one day, I might find these all are just so silly and good things come to those who wait.
stop this train, i wanna get off and go home again ...
Friday, January 23, 2009
I love what Rick Davidson's wrote on his note at FB, without further ado, Rick, he speaks my hear out:
a process of slow detachment
a process of slow detachment
desiring the comforting embrace
of simplification
in this room of many shapes and sizes
(albeit a bit monochromatic).
the framed representation
of two happy people mocks
this present situation,
gazing glinting glass at an inverted
expression
of two expressions.
expressing desire seems a tedious thing:
an unaccustomed custom
that begins just below the throat
and often too slowly
rises to the mouth-thing.
belated and misinterpreted utterances
stumblestutter over the tongue:
syllabic swervings of a simpleton
simply too tired to engage
in the delightful twirlings of dancing lovers
of simplification
in this room of many shapes and sizes
(albeit a bit monochromatic).
the framed representation
of two happy people mocks
this present situation,
gazing glinting glass at an inverted
expression
of two expressions.
expressing desire seems a tedious thing:
an unaccustomed custom
that begins just below the throat
and often too slowly
rises to the mouth-thing.
belated and misinterpreted utterances
stumblestutter over the tongue:
syllabic swervings of a simpleton
simply too tired to engage
in the delightful twirlings of dancing lovers
Saturday, December 27, 2008
UPDATED
So here's what I wrote on November 13, 2007 and updated on October 31, 2008
My update today are:
So here's what I wrote on November 13, 2007 and updated on October 31, 2008
My update today are:
- be a manager & move to another company ---> DONE
- move to US/OZ/UK/Canada
- have a car
- have a house
- have a long vacation to Europe -
- have a vacation in - eat gummies as much as I can without getting fat or tooth ache ---> DONE
- get married someday
Oh and I forgot to mention:
-I want to buy a notebook ---> DONE on March '09
- Would love to loose some more weight as well
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
weekend cooking: nasi goreng "bubu"
drooling?
Ingredients
* 4 tablespoons Blue Band
* 1/2 can of "Maling", cut in 1 cm dice
* 4 piece of smoke beef, cut into 1 cm chunks
* 7 garlic cloves, chopped
* 5 red onion cloves, chopped
* Some frozen vegetables
* Oyster sauce, about 5 tablespoons
* Some chili sauce
* Some pepper
* 4 portion of rice from your nearest 'Padang' restaurant *hahaha*
Yields: 4-6 servings
Preparation
Oh, like seriously, you know what to do lah ahahaha
Happy cooking!
drooling?
Ingredients
* 4 tablespoons Blue Band
* 1/2 can of "Maling", cut in 1 cm dice
* 4 piece of smoke beef, cut into 1 cm chunks
* 7 garlic cloves, chopped
* 5 red onion cloves, chopped
* Some frozen vegetables
* Oyster sauce, about 5 tablespoons
* Some chili sauce
* Some pepper
* 4 portion of rice from your nearest 'Padang' restaurant *hahaha*
Yields: 4-6 servings
Preparation
Oh, like seriously, you know what to do lah ahahaha
Happy cooking!
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
I was just walking to the office this morning and thinking of our dear friend wedding’s on one Sunday. It was one of the most simple, effortless, yet wonderful matrimonies that made my partner, Signifiant, and I almost cried (oh well, I actually almost cried in just about every weddings)
Anyways, a wedding could be one’s biggest moment in life. Not only for the lifetime vows, but also for the fact that now the bride and groom are responsible for each other’s well being. These are some factors that signify one’s life is in the process to becoming something. I like to put the term ‘something’ because the choices are ours to determine whatever goals we want to reach or wherever we are actually going with the choices we made.
It comes from different angles yet it’s quite a revelation to my own personal discoveries how one of our friends’, let’s call him AJ, so called biggest life changing moments could affect others. The matrimony ceremony has somehow touched the three of us.
For my partner, he really appreciates weddings that are simple by means that the day is truly owned by the bride and groom, no fussy parents nor family members. Weddings, unfortunately, especially in Indonesia are not a day meant for the bride and groom but are actually a family feast which are sad and damn selfish for the family to take control of the couple’s happiness.
So, it’s not something new if you have been to a lot of holy matrimonies to find many vow exchanging set which supposed to be very intimate, joyous and momentous turned to be just a stage of act for the couple to perform only for the sake of the audience satisfaction let alone for themselves. It’s by hell their right to be able to feel happy celebrating the lifetime union with the ones they love and cherish.
As for Signifiant, like my partner and I, she’s happy rather relief and especially inspired by the choice of life AJ’s made, that is his willingness and courage of finally committing his relationship with the partner. And of course for such a heartwarming private matrimony he’s had. But on the other hand, guess she’s also aware that things are going to be a bit different now. No more late night long discussions about Dewi “Dee” Lestari’s divorce episode nor other hot gossiping sessions. There may not be as much as time that AJ could spend with any of us like he used to.
While to me, just like every other wedding, I often get carried away by the fact that I could only watch other people’s moments while waiting for my time to come. Especially that AJ just happen to have it right exactly at the chapel where I’ve always dreamed to be wed one day. And one thing lead to another, the wedding’s also put a new horizon for me on my partner’s view towards how marriage is such a big thing, there’re so many to consider.
I must say the world has its own formula for balancing life. Just like AJ’s path of life has affected people around him, it shows how an amazing cycle it is that his life could come across the others, each from a unique and individual way. How the receiving end would react, now that’s a different kind of argument.
Have you noticed how sometimes when you have this idea that’s been going on and on in your mind for awhile and somehow halfway through interrelate event just happen to appear?
Same thing happened, just when I got into the office the morning after thinking of AJ’s phenomenal wedding, I received a forwarded email regarding Andi Noya’s story on Lentera Jiwa site (http://lenterajiwa.com/inspirasi.php?Nid=35.) He talks about a sort of enlightenment he finds during his time on Metro TV; his pursue of idealism of really living, working and truly doing his passion.
Strange isn’t it how we often hear, read and even believe that we can have a job that we actually passionate about yet to really living it is everyone’s dream! Noya’s short but very motivating writing also mentions that he is inspired by the book “Who Moved My Cheese.” Do you see the pattern, Noya read the book – he was inspired – he took an action that could have been one of his life changing moments – he wrote to share his enlightenment and experience to others – I got inspired by his writing and experience – you are reading my story – and now is depend on you how would you like to pass this message on to others.
Your changes affect everyone surrounds you.
Anyways, a wedding could be one’s biggest moment in life. Not only for the lifetime vows, but also for the fact that now the bride and groom are responsible for each other’s well being. These are some factors that signify one’s life is in the process to becoming something. I like to put the term ‘something’ because the choices are ours to determine whatever goals we want to reach or wherever we are actually going with the choices we made.
It comes from different angles yet it’s quite a revelation to my own personal discoveries how one of our friends’, let’s call him AJ, so called biggest life changing moments could affect others. The matrimony ceremony has somehow touched the three of us.
For my partner, he really appreciates weddings that are simple by means that the day is truly owned by the bride and groom, no fussy parents nor family members. Weddings, unfortunately, especially in Indonesia are not a day meant for the bride and groom but are actually a family feast which are sad and damn selfish for the family to take control of the couple’s happiness.
So, it’s not something new if you have been to a lot of holy matrimonies to find many vow exchanging set which supposed to be very intimate, joyous and momentous turned to be just a stage of act for the couple to perform only for the sake of the audience satisfaction let alone for themselves. It’s by hell their right to be able to feel happy celebrating the lifetime union with the ones they love and cherish.
As for Signifiant, like my partner and I, she’s happy rather relief and especially inspired by the choice of life AJ’s made, that is his willingness and courage of finally committing his relationship with the partner. And of course for such a heartwarming private matrimony he’s had. But on the other hand, guess she’s also aware that things are going to be a bit different now. No more late night long discussions about Dewi “Dee” Lestari’s divorce episode nor other hot gossiping sessions. There may not be as much as time that AJ could spend with any of us like he used to.
While to me, just like every other wedding, I often get carried away by the fact that I could only watch other people’s moments while waiting for my time to come. Especially that AJ just happen to have it right exactly at the chapel where I’ve always dreamed to be wed one day. And one thing lead to another, the wedding’s also put a new horizon for me on my partner’s view towards how marriage is such a big thing, there’re so many to consider.
I must say the world has its own formula for balancing life. Just like AJ’s path of life has affected people around him, it shows how an amazing cycle it is that his life could come across the others, each from a unique and individual way. How the receiving end would react, now that’s a different kind of argument.
Have you noticed how sometimes when you have this idea that’s been going on and on in your mind for awhile and somehow halfway through interrelate event just happen to appear?
Same thing happened, just when I got into the office the morning after thinking of AJ’s phenomenal wedding, I received a forwarded email regarding Andi Noya’s story on Lentera Jiwa site (http://lenterajiwa.com/inspirasi.php?Nid=35.) He talks about a sort of enlightenment he finds during his time on Metro TV; his pursue of idealism of really living, working and truly doing his passion.
Strange isn’t it how we often hear, read and even believe that we can have a job that we actually passionate about yet to really living it is everyone’s dream! Noya’s short but very motivating writing also mentions that he is inspired by the book “Who Moved My Cheese.” Do you see the pattern, Noya read the book – he was inspired – he took an action that could have been one of his life changing moments – he wrote to share his enlightenment and experience to others – I got inspired by his writing and experience – you are reading my story – and now is depend on you how would you like to pass this message on to others.
Your changes affect everyone surrounds you.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Well, I could be either a very stupid or smart person to have finally decided to loosen up our string a little more than I would generally do in a relationship. Am giving permission to my boyfriend as a romance trainer to hit on and have flings with more girls for the sake of his research. As so out of this world it may seem, yet I find it the most sensible choice I've ever made in a relationship ever!
Just for a personal record in case in the middle of the process I've forgotten why did I think it is okay - I'm not going to say it's actually safe - to do is because well first of all, sooner or later if we have to breakup and find someone better it's inevitable and going to happen anyway one way or the other, so I find I've got nothing to loose. Secondly, Pete is toooooo damn smart and talented on NLP and romance shits that would make me as his current partner such a thoughtless, unsupportive, selfish bitch to position myself as one who restraints him from developing his skills. It'll be unfair should one side needs to sacrifice the one thing that he or she do very good at just coz of their partners' inability to understand that. Third, I would feel very dumb to become the only reason why Pete couldn't continue with his projects development, am so not worth it. Really!
I think am crazy.
Heck, it ain't love if it isn't crazy as they said.
ahahahaha
Just for a personal record in case in the middle of the process I've forgotten why did I think it is okay - I'm not going to say it's actually safe - to do is because well first of all, sooner or later if we have to breakup and find someone better it's inevitable and going to happen anyway one way or the other, so I find I've got nothing to loose. Secondly, Pete is toooooo damn smart and talented on NLP and romance shits that would make me as his current partner such a thoughtless, unsupportive, selfish bitch to position myself as one who restraints him from developing his skills. It'll be unfair should one side needs to sacrifice the one thing that he or she do very good at just coz of their partners' inability to understand that. Third, I would feel very dumb to become the only reason why Pete couldn't continue with his projects development, am so not worth it. Really!
I think am crazy.
Heck, it ain't love if it isn't crazy as they said.
ahahahaha
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Aha! I know it's been awhile that I haven't updated the blog or heck anything to say, just feels like screaming at the top of my lungs for help but the only person who can hear is Pete *sigh.*
Anyhow, I've been thinking lately of what's going on and future plans upon my career. After spending three years in Periplus, gather all the skills needed and climbing on the corporate ladder, it seems that now Am starting all over at the bottom of it, sadly, maybe. I even come to think, insecurely, that I might only be lucky the whole time that I could get to where I am now hehehe. However, I believe as mediocre I can be there should be, supposedly, whatever it is, something people who hires me see and put hopes on me, so... it's probably the reason why I could still, fingers crossed, work on better progress in my career.
It's always made me feel good every time sending applications to companies abroad, though I pretty much know that the chances are slim, I guess it's the feeling that I'm still doing at least something to get out of the country hehehe.
So in the middle of financial emergency apparently Periplus has offered me a freelance job, as their bulletin editor which I think I can manage doing after office hour here at Truba. Gosh, I really have much to catch up! The boss actually has lent me a book on Investor Relations but I'm too lazy to read it, better to watch 24 season 5 that I just bought ehehehhe.
...........
Anyhow, I've been thinking lately of what's going on and future plans upon my career. After spending three years in Periplus, gather all the skills needed and climbing on the corporate ladder, it seems that now Am starting all over at the bottom of it, sadly, maybe. I even come to think, insecurely, that I might only be lucky the whole time that I could get to where I am now hehehe. However, I believe as mediocre I can be there should be, supposedly, whatever it is, something people who hires me see and put hopes on me, so... it's probably the reason why I could still, fingers crossed, work on better progress in my career.
It's always made me feel good every time sending applications to companies abroad, though I pretty much know that the chances are slim, I guess it's the feeling that I'm still doing at least something to get out of the country hehehe.
So in the middle of financial emergency apparently Periplus has offered me a freelance job, as their bulletin editor which I think I can manage doing after office hour here at Truba. Gosh, I really have much to catch up! The boss actually has lent me a book on Investor Relations but I'm too lazy to read it, better to watch 24 season 5 that I just bought ehehehhe.
...........
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